Cease fire! Cease fire! Heads up!
Man down! Cease fire!
Stupid motherfucker!
Sí.
What's up, Sylvia?
Cute little outfit.
You look nice.
Mike's in the bedroom.
Yeah?
Man, I said you look nice.
I have a court appearance, Jim.
Well, you just give 'em hell.
Hey.
Spiffy duds, huh?
You look like a gift-wrapped turd.
Now please leave me alone. I have to concentrate.
I have two filings and a deposition today.
Play nice, kids.
What up, dog?
- Nothing. Just got back. - Cool. Cool.
How was Mexico, dog?
Oh, it was a dream, man.
- Loving my woman. - Right.
That's it. I'm out of here.
Those are copies of your resumé.
Pass them out like candy.
'Cause I can always print up more.
And just call me if anything happens, okay?
And no drinking.
Come on, baby, be cool.
Honey, I'm serious.
No drinking. Okay?
- I love you. - I love you, too.
Good luck.
Your suit's fine, okay?
Dude, she called me a gift-wrapped turd.
Don't be fucking with her, dude.
She's pissed.
Why is she on the warpath? Dog...
I didn't look for work yesterday, dude.
Sold some of her CDs, bought a couple of 40s
and a pack of GPCs.
Caught a buzz and watched
my Chicago Vs. Lakers tapes.
That's on you, homie.
We didn't even hang yesterday.
I was out of the country.
So? My old lady still thinks it's your fault.
Huh? Huh? Hmm?
Come on, dude, let's get the fuck out of here
and find my ass some employment.
It's cool you driving me around?
Yeah, dude, it's cool. It's no trouble.
Here, asshole.
Breakfast.
Oh... ho, ho...
Dog.
No pisto for me, dude.
Today's a no-pounding day. You heard the woman.
Good. More for me.
Fuck it.
Salud. Salud.
Man, hope they put me in the next class or I'm fucked.
I can't pay my rent.
Landlady's about to pull a gauge on my ass.
What happened to all that money you saved in the army, dude?
The tax-free shit?
Man, bro, this fucking ride cleaned me out.
I guess we drank up the rest.
Dumb ass.
Cops better start paying you, dude.
You spend enough fucking time with them.
They better start kicking me down some paychecks, man.
They got me hopping through hoops, you know?
"Come in for a test." "Come back in two weeks."
Another test, another two weeks.
Fuck.
Shit gets real,
you be hating life.
Party time will be over.
Dude, you don't know how much
I'm looking forward to this shit.
You know, I'll be super recruit.
I was jumping out of choppers
in the mountains, taking down
hard motherfuckers, you know?
I'll be laughing my way through LAPD's reindeer games.
Shit, they're gonna love me.
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna fucking love them, dude.
Ah, fuck you.
I'm going to love my old lady.
I'm gonna marry homegirl.
Import her ass.
Oh, come on, man.
Dude, what happened to all the honeys
we were gonna pimp with your badge, dog?
You're fucking up the plan.
I've been thinking, you know?
Love's about sacrifice.
Only true measure of it.
What would you do for Sylvia?
Get a job.
- Mm... - Nine to fucking five.
Yeah.
That's love.
Hey.
Good morning.
So when do you officially
hand your ass over to the Man?
"Mr. Jim Davis, we regret to inform...
I had two beers, right?
Yeah.
Going fucking blind or something.
Okay, this letter says, quoting...
"no longer eligible as a police officer candidate."
What the fuck does that mean?
Come on, dude.
"no longer eligible"? I mean, what does that sound like?
They pulled the plug, dude.
No, no...
Why?
Oh, man, I'll bet you...
I'll bet you it's 'cause I'm white.
I bet it's 'cause you're a dick.
No, no, no, Mike, you don't understand.
I am fucked.
I got to get married.
Okay? INS won't let me bring Marta across
unless I got employment.
I promised her.
This fucks up my plan.
This is fucking bullshit, okay?
This... these fucking assholes...
These fucking assholes!
What the fuck is their problem, man?!
This is fucking typical cop hate game bullshit!
Yo, yo, fucking chill, Magilla Gorilla.
I mean you're trippin', dude.
Hey, what the fuck
are you looking at, asshole?!
Fucking dick.
Yo, yo,
Jim, Jim...
I'm gonna fucking kick your teeth down your puke hole!
You fucking want some?
Jim, Jim, dude.
Kick back, dude.
The fucking light is green. Get the fuck in the car.
Man, fuck. - You're going to catch
a case doing that shit, man.
What the fuck were you doing?
Fuck the LAPD, man.
What's up with Pasadena, Pomona, Santa Ana and all that?
Oh, no, fuck the sticks.
L.A. City's the shit.
Hey, Sheriff's Department.
It's good enough for the INS and still basically L.A., right?
Yeah, Sheriff's Department, yeah.
They make you work the jails the first two years
or something.
I could be cracking heads
up at the Honor Ranch.
I'll give 'em a call, start testing.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yo, it's just a minor setback, right?
Quit trippin', dude.
Shit.
Hey, you know what I want to do?
What?
I want to get fucked up.
Me, too, man.
I got to find a job and placate my baby, you know.
Sylvia's going to kick your ass?
Come on, big man, she'll be cool.
Come on.
- Bye, Nicole. - Bye.
Let me get a couple of singles, too, please.
Sorry, you buy whole pack.
Be cool, dude.
If I buy a whole pack
I'm gonna want to smoke it.
I just want a couple of smokes with my beer.
City give me $1,500 ticket.
No more.
Asshole.
- Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir.
Oh, shit.
That fucking gangster, man.
Homeboy just ran a six second four-forty.
Damn, the chino looked fucking pissed, man.
You think we'll be able to go back there?
I hate that shit.
Fuckin' chino lookin' at us like we were gonna bust him?
Come on, dude. We're wearin' suits, man.
We totally look like cops.
He said he got fined for that shit.
He was just being cautious.
Well, we got pisto, we got frajos.
Only one thing missin'.
Be-at-ches.
Oh, yeah, I mean besides bitches, man.
Yesca? Mm-hmm.
Bingo.
I need to feel some reefer madness.
You sure you want to score some bud, dude?
You haven't smoked out since like forever, man.
I said I want to get fucked up, man.
Fuck this purity bullshit.
Yeah... fuck purity.
Aw, man, look at this zero-head, dog.
Stupid-ass cholo.
Look at that.
That dude's slangin', dog.
Want to get a dime?
No, I want it all.
Go for the stash, man.
Whoa, go, go, go.
Hey, hey, yo, yo.
That's my shit!
Fuck.
Outstanding.
Out-fucking-standing.
That shit was slick.
That motherfucker just got schooled.
Bitch-ass cholo.
- Check this shit out, huh? - Yeah.
Nice motherfucking haul. You see that shit, huh?
Mm. It's not laced either.
Smell that shit.
Smell that motherfucking shit.
We just burned my car.
We go back there, we're gonna get shot.
Yeah, no shit.
Man, bust that light.
Roll that shit up.
Yeah, yeah, Cool.
Yo, let's drop off some resumés first.
Then we'll smoke out, dude.
Some resumés.
Yeah.
Ah, man, fresh air.
Look.
Oh! They're dropped off, man.
You fucking asshole, man.
I got to get a fucking job, man.
What's your problem, man?
What the fuck are you doing, dickhead.
Yo, Mike, first day looking--
nobody ever gets a job their first day looking.
Come on, don't sweat it, man.
Hey, I can't fuck around tomorrow.
I got to get a job for sure.
This is your job, man.
So act like a fucking professional,
spark up the goods, 'cause we got a lot of work to do.
It's harsh. It's good, though.
You okay?
How are those lungs, baby?
There it is.
That magic feeling.
Damn, look at that bitch.
Oh, damn.
Fuck, yeah.
She's fucking good.
I bet she got skills. I want to get laid.
You just saw your woman.
Only hit her once, man.
We can't go nowhere alone. They got me sleeping in the car.
Family's got that ass under guard, huh?
Lock and key.
Fuck, I want to get laid.
Pay a visit to my harem, huh?
Online, pornmeister.
Uh-uh, let's go to Letty's pad, man.
How much you want to bet I hit it.
- She won't, dog. - How much you want to bet?
She won't give you shit, dog.
You big time fucked her over.
Aw, man, I popped that poodahey.
I got that mind control, man.
How much you want to bet I get back up in it?
20 bucks?
You ain't got 20 bucks.
So, neither do you, man.
Come on, shake on that shit.
Come on.
What the fuck, let's go.
I got it.
What's up, Patty?
- Y tu hermana? - She ain't here.
Y sabes que?
You're not welcome in this house.
Sure, Patty.
I'd love to come in.
Thank you.
Are they here?
You're looking fine, as fuck, chulas.
Don't... don't touch me, please.
Hey, hey.
You got to get out of here.
Letty...
I just wanted to see you again.
Hey, Patty, you want to grab me a pisto or something?
I ain't grabbing you shit.
Oh, you still got a mouth, huh?
Maybe one day you'll learn how to keep it shut.
Laters. I'm going to my room.
You know you have to run his ass out of here.
Baby.
Let's sit down.
No, no, no.
So, um...
You a cop yet?
I'm working on it.
Y tu?
Que andas haciendo?
Well, you know, I'm going to L.A. Trade Tech.
It's good you're doing positive shit.
What, after everything I don't get a kiss?
It's because of everything you can't get a kiss.
Oh, come on, come here.
Yeah.
Don't.
Jim, I got a boyfriend.
Who?
Flaco.
You're back with that
piece of shit after what he did, Letty?
You're not fucking him, are you?
Please tell me no.
Yes. So... just go.
'Cause there's nothing here for you, Jim.
See?
Okay?
I don't believe this shit, Letty.
You're too good for that.
You gotta go.
Go. Please!
Let me talk to them.
No, Jim, don't be stupid. Please.
Okay? Largate. Just go.
I guess it's later days.
Largate. Just go!
Flaco, the pinchi guero's here!
Apuarte, Jim! Hurry up!
- Fuck him up! - I got him!
Fucking white boy!
What's up, faggot?!
We're going to fuck you up!
Yo! pop the trunk
so I can handle this shit!
Fuck you, puto!
I'll bust you!
Leave him alone!
Pop the fucking trunk!
Jim!
Oh, you fucked up!
Get your fucking knees down on the curb now!
Get the fuck over there, man!
Don't fucking move unless you want your brains hanging out!
What's your problem, Flaco?
Motherfucker!
Fucking knees on the curb, man!
That's right!
Interlock your fingers behind your heads, Flaco!
You deaf fuck!
Yo, Mike.
Yeah?
Do up their ride.
Freeze, bitch!
I'm going to take that big ass of yours home,
hit it for a minute, you know?
Fuck off!
Now you got it.
Yo, relax, homie.
You break Letty's heart, I'm coming for your mom.
Fuck!
Hey, haina.
Whoo!
Fuck off! Oh, yeah?
What you got down here?
Oh...
Liking that.
Damn! Those are badass kicks, dog.
Lucky you got little bitch feet,
else I'd be stomping around in them motherfuckers.
- Fuck you, puto. - Huh?
- Yeah. Fuck you. - Yes?
You fucking stay still!
Bitches! If you didn't have that fucking gun,
ese, it wouldn't be about shit, homie.
Not fucking shit!
Hey, later, Patty!
I hope you're not pregnant, but you know
you wanted me to blow in you.
Fuck you!
Bye, Letty!
Salud.
Divvy up the bounty, dude. I know you got some cash.
I know I got more than that.
Yeah. Here we go.
Shit.
That's my pussy she's giving away there.
Homeboy uses extra large.
Man, that's it? Next time,
jack someone with a job.
Well, fuck you. What did you get, their lunch?
Check it out.
Holy shit. You're kidding me.
Whoo! It's a fucking Ruger P-94. Nine millimeter.
14, plus one in the chamber.
It's a good fucking gun. Durable.
It's brand-new.
It's a BB gun.
Yeah. Cool.
Here you go, dog.
About time you got a cohete.
No. I don't want it.
Why the fuck not? I'll use it.
That's a good reason. Sell it.
How much you think we can get for the gun?
Two bills, maybe three. Costs six new.
We'll sell it and split the greenery.
You sure?
It's cool, dude.
50-50.
Good BB gun though.
Shoot some birds and shit.
Hey, put that shit away.
Looks real as hell.
Not a bad day's work.
Get down to business though.
I know you didn't get any.
So pay up, motherfucker.
Dick.
Hello. This is a message for Michael Alonzo.
This is Bob Luell at the Palm Glen Group.
We have reviewed your resumé,
and would like to make an appointment
for later in the week.
Please call me at your
earliest convenience.
Thank you.
Huh? That's good.
One more? This is fun.
Sounded a little gay, but it was good.
No, no, no. no. That's it, dude. That's it.
I get too many callbacks,
Sylvia's going to get suspicious.
Oh, Sylvia's going to be kissing your ass.
Not if she recognizes your voice.
Oh, she won't. Here, sir.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm cool.
- Come on. - I'm cool.
I want to get home before the little woman and sober up.
Come on, bro. One brew.
All right, but hey,
I got to look for a job tomorrow for sure.
Okay? I can't be getting fucked up
behind Sylvia's back when I'm supposed
to be looking for work, man.
Not cool. Tomorrow, for sure.
I got to find a job, too.
Hello.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. That is correct.
Six years.
Honorably discharged.
Yes, sir.
I would love to.
Believe me, I would welcome the opportunity.
Tomorrow
is not a problem.
Thank you, sir. You have a good day, too.
Good-bye, sir.
That was the man, huh? You're all "Sir,
sir, sir."
Yes! Fucking yes! Thank God!
That was the man! That was the Federal man!
The Federal man!
Department of Homeland Security
wants me to come in tomorrow to start testing!
Oh, shit!
Fucking A, my brother!
That shit is righteous, motherfucker!
It's on, homie!
Wow, man. Tomorrow.
So what the fuck you going to do now, dude?
I got to take a piss test.
If I'm cool, I'm in the house.
Yeah! Oh!
Shit, dude, do they piss test for weed?
Oh, shit!
You fucked up, man.
Oh, fuck.
I fucked up.
Oh, fuck. I fucked up.
Fuck! Oh...
You know, one dope molecule, and I'm done.
And they will burn me
with every law enforcement outfit in the country.
Shit!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, dude.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
Hey, there's a way out of every fucking situation.
- Right? Relax, dude. - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. I'm going to do what I got to do, you know?
It's cool. Fuck, yeah.
I'll pass that shit.
Hell, yeah. Yeah.
Of course you will, dude!
Later, loco.
Don't fucking trip, dude.
All right.
Shit.
Eat.
Come in, dumb ass!
What's up, dog?
What up, dog...
Hey, Jim. Want some coffee?
Sure.
Want some eggs? There's extra.
Yes, ma'am. Please.
I, uh, heard about the LAPD.
Sorry about that.
I thought they guaranteed you a job.
Yea. Me, too.
Well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
You know, you being a cop.
Tell her what's up, dude.
Well, I applied
to all the Federal law enforcement agencies.
You know, ATF, Border Patrol,
ICE, Homeland Security, all of them.
And Homeland Security's interested in me.
They want me to come in today and start testing.
Wow. That's great. How sure is this?
Well, I got a urinalysis today.
If I pass that, I'll be a Special Agent candidate,
and then I could be out of here next month.
You haven't been smoking out, have you?
Nah. Chilled on that shit a while back.
Good. Well, thanks for driving Mike around yesterday.
- Yeah, sure. - Yeah, bro.
Three callbacks.
Damn! Good!
We dropped off enough resumés. Whoo!
Got more.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Well, you have to keep trying
until something happens.
Finding a job is a job, right?
Lunch money.
Thank you.
And good luck today.
Thank you.
- Love you. - I love you, too.
Good luck.
And, Jim, good luck on your pee test.
I hope you studied.
I'm going to cram for it.
Man, that's freaky.
She was in a good mood.
Breakfast and beer money?
Yeah, dude.
She heard the messages last night.
She got me a sixer.
I slammed two last night.
Out-fuckin'-standing!
Now we know beer is just a phone call away.
Yeah.
Yeah. We talked shit out last night, though.
You know? Hey, all she wants is for me to get a job.
I shouldn't be playing her like that.
Dude, you had a good job,
with that, uh, with that Web design shit.
Had, dude. Had.
All right? All that shit's in India now.
Want a cold one? No, later.
You got any vinegar?
Vinegar? What for?
Ah...
Oh...
Damn, dude!
Ah...!
- Man! - That is fuckin' sick, man.
What'd you do that for?
- Shuts down the old kidneys. - Ooh.
Come on, let's roll.
Grab me that bag, dude.
Little trick I learned in the service.
Aw, that's sick, dude.
You're gonna stick a turkey baster in your dick?
Quit looking, faggot.
You wish.
Oh, man.
Fuckin'...
shit, dude.
Oh, fuckin' shit...
Aw...
Aw, motherfucker!
Whew!
Ah...
That was...
unpleasant.
Man...
Man, I want to get this shit over with.
You know, my teeth are floating.
Oh...
You get those in the military, dog?
I was a Ranger.
Your mom still suck a mean dick, hmm?
Gotcha! Shouldn't ignore people.
Why don't you go fuck yourself!
Hey!
Let's play nice,
boys.
I have everyone's "Consent to Urinalysis" form signed
and dated, am I right?
Yes, sir.
Good. I'm Agent Richards.
Jackets off.
I will now administer the easiest test
Homeland Security will ever give you,
the whizz quiz.
Roll up both sleeves past the elbow.
Remove all gloves, rings, watches, bracelets,
jewelry, Band-Aids and bandages.
I want to see nothing but bare hands and forearms.
Wiggle your fingers.
Let me see both sides.
Beautifully done.
Again, gentlemen, no talking.
Detweiler, is it?
You're with me.
Fucker.
Next!
Name?
Davis, Jim.
Ah, the Ranger.
Yes, sir.
- You serve? - 101st.
- High speed. - All right.
Think you can fill that, son?
I could fill a goddamn trash can, sir.
You're full of piss and vinegar, aren't you, Jim?
Yes, sir.
Hey, unload that shit before you clown with it, okay?
I don't want my head blown off
just when I'm getting it straight.
Pop! What's it like
to just straight-up whack a motherfucker?
What's it like? I mean, what the fuck, you know?
It's like nothing. What's it supposed to be like?
You tell me.
You were busting heads for the military.
I can't talk about this shit, Mike.
But I will tell you one thing-- you point and shoot,
pop, pop, move on, fuck 'em, they shouldn't have been there,
you move the fuck on.
You do not stop and think about it.
- It's not a big deal. - So if it's nothing,
then what you getting all mad for?
I'm not getting mad.
I just hate stupid questions, Mike.
You think you killed a lot of Commies?
- They weren't Commies, dumb ass. - Then what were they?
You know what they were-- they were fuckin' Hajjis,
terrorists, the bad guys.
Did you like it? Oh, shit.
Did you dig it?
You bust a nut?
Not fuckin' now, man. Seriously.
You're killing my buzz, dude.
Aw, kick back, stress case.
Are we on a mission to sell this piece or what?
Hell, yeah.
Let's sell this fuckin' piece.
Got to get some scratch, you know what I'm saying?
Pop! Pop! Pop!
Yo, Darrel!
- Yo, yo, yo, Darrel! - Wake the fuck up, Darrel!
Darrel!
Come on, come on, come on, wake up and fuckin'
shine!
Y'all need to knock this shit off right now.
Hey, what's up, bro?
Come on in, motherfuckers.
Yeah.
Get your little ass up in here.
Shit!
Oh, man...
y'all scared the fuck out of me, man.
You motherfuckers got ties on.
I saw that city-lookin' car pull up--
I thought y'all was some rollers or shit.
I just got out of County.
- $9,600. - No shit. When?
Yesterday.
Damn. What'd they put on you?
Some bullshit.
I saw some wrong-ass shit
up in there, dude.
I ain't ever going back to that motherfucker.
It scared you straight, huh?
- Mm-hmm. - Hey, you get booty-played?
Hell, no.
You over there tickling your brown eye, dog?
They-they put some jelly on there, serve some syrup?
- You toss the salad? - Hey, you know, nigga,
I kept my ass to the wall and my mouth shut.
Shoot.
I almost lost my job over that shit.
Fuckin' around in there.
Oh, God...
- You a cop? - Nope.
Rejected his ass.
Fuck you.
I'm getting in the Feds' car.
Damn...!
That's what I'm talking about!
Ah, you hear that?
This motherfucker gonna be a Fed.
Yeah.
You been wanting that shit, too.
It's my dream, dude.
So, you gonna do that shit right,
or, you know, you gonna do a little shit on the side?
I'm gonna get my own thing going.
You know, I'll be flipping shit, make a little money.
You know?
This motherfucker gonna have shit wired.
Scary, huh?
Check this shit out.
Oh, hello!
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
This is sweet!
We jacked some eses. Got a BB gun, too.
- A BB gun? - Yo.
Goddamn!
This is a nice little machine.
Three bills, it's yours.
I ain't got three bills, dog.
My lawyer cleaned me out.
Man...
I ain't got no ways or means, homie.
I need this shit, too.
Bring the heat to these motherfuckers
trippin' around here.
We need ends, dog.
Who'll give us three bills for it?
Hey, uh, I know a cat.
Hangs out at, uh... La Licha
on, uh, Santa Fe.
Yeah, I know that place. He cool?
Oh, man, he's old school, real cool.
Veterano named Eddie.
He there today?
Oh, that's just like his living room, dog.
Mm.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll hook you up. Don't worry about it.
Cool, cool.
Yo, uh...
Y'all need to come up, dog.
Can you do me a favor?
Sure.
You mind calling my pad
and leaving a fake message
so my old lady thinks I'm out there looking for a job?
Instead you out getting fucked up.
Can you hook me up,
or what, dog? Huh?
Yeah? All right.
Check this out.
Uh, just call, right?
And say you're from that place right there
and that you want to schedule an interview, dude.
Man, y'all some devious motherfuckers, man.
Hey, hey, make sure she can't star-69 my shit.
Nah, she's... Serious, man.
I ain't trying to break up no shit on this.
All right, it's ringing. Here you go.
- Be serious, dude. - Hey, hey,
don't sound like a fag, either, man.
That's how he be sounding.
Uh, Mr. Alonzo,
I'm calling from Sunhouse Properties,
uh, to schedule an interview.
Uh, please call me back at 213-555-
15-15.
Oh...
damn, dog!
That shit was good, dude!
Damn, they should give you a fuckin' Oscar for that shit.
That shit was cold, man.
- Playing your woman like that. - Aw, come on, man.
I did three yesterday-- she bought him a six-pack.
Yeah.
What's one call get you, a fuckin' 40
of St. Ides?
I'll be like this. Look.
You know you would!
Bitch-ass motherfucker.
This is good shit, right?
I told you it was some good shit, dog.
Hey, we got to bounce.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, y'all just got here, dog.
Can't happen.
- Come on. - Yo, uh, tell that guy Eddie
that we're gonna cruise through there a little later.
Okay?
- Aw, yeah. - Later, man.
I wish I had the money.
That's a sweet-ass piece, though.
That shit'll keep the porch clean.
Motherfuckers like y'all won't be banging on my shit.
Hey, Jim.
We should lose the monkey suits, dude.
Quien es?
Hey, bring us, dos pistos, por favor,
mi reina.
Damn.
Hey, dog, I don't think they like us here.
Fuck 'em.
I got my shit.
They make a move, I'm blasting.
Which one of these fools is Eddy?
Yeah. I don't know.
They're all paisas here.
Hey, why don't you ask that homegirl right there?
Sientate, guapa.
Mm.
Habla Espanol?
Si.
Que bien.
Sabas donde esta el Eddy?
Eddy, te hablan.
Que paso?
Do I know you?
My homeboy Darrell said to talk to you.
Darrell? Yeah.
I'm Jim, homie.
What's up, man? Mike, dog.
All right. So what's up?
Need a cohete?
Maybe.
What kind?
Ruger P-94, brand-new.
Ruger, huh? Yeah.
How many mags?
One high cap. I'll throw in the hollow points.
Strictly Black Talons, homes.
Homies be wearing vests these days,
know what I'm saying?
Is it new?
Yeah, it's brand-new.
Where's it at?
I can get it.
How much?
Three bills.
I'll give you $250 if it's new.
If not, I'll give you $200.
Cool.
You got the feria, homie?
I can get it.
Orale.
Let's kick back, have a couple pistos
before we handle business, eh?
Hey, guero, you like her?
I do need to get laid.
There it is right there, brother.
Yo, give me that cohete.
Mataste a un flor.
Oh, shit!
Open the fucking door!
Holy shit, dude!
You think he's gonna fuckin' die?!
Sure. Got his carotid.
Fucker was garden-hosing.
He'll bleed out.
Oh, shit, dude,
I've seen dudes get shot, man, but I never seen
no motherfucking shit like that before, man!
Fucked his shit up, you know?
Quick as shit, too. That crack-crack!
Turned that vato into a fountain of blood.
Why the fuck did he do that, man?
That shit could have been over anything, you know?
Money, drugs, bitches, respect, whatever.
That homie, straight-up pimp.
You know, maybe he turned out that dude's daughter.
Looney tunes and shit,
glass all stuck in his fuckin' neck.
Did you see all that fuckin' blood over there?!
Yeah, man, the human body's got a gallon.
Damn!
I coulda boned Gracie.
She had that proper thickness.
Look at me, dog.
Look at me.
I'm fuckin' traumatized and shit.
Yo, homie, that shit don't fuckin' faze you at all?
Oh, man, I seen way worse.
Trashcanistan.
My battle buddy, he got his legs and arms blown off
by a booby-trapped motorcycle.
Medic saved his ass and he lived.
He didn't want to, but he did.
I got to face my woman.
How in the fuck am I supposed to play this shit off, huh?
Man, you'll do it, player.
Hey, baby girl, you cooking?
Yeah. Where have you been?
Oh, Jim's pad.
You been drinking?
Oh, you know, I had a few brews.
A few? Yeah.
You look wasted.
Don't trip, girl.
I've been working all day.
I've been looking for work all day.
I wish I could hang out and get wasted like the old days.
You know what?
When I'm working, you can lounge.
I'll fix this place up,
get you nice clothes and stuff...
Mike, Mike, Mike.
It doesn't have anything to do with money.
Come here.
Sit down. I want to talk to you.
Hey, it's not about stuff.
It's about you and me needing an equal partner.
Right.
Hey, I know that you supported me through college
and I'm gonna always
- owe you for that. - Right.
Now everything's flipped
and I feel like I'm doing everything alone.
You know, sometimes I feel like you're my kid.
I mean, you sneak around like one.
Oh-ho!
Look... Wow, dude.
I'm sorry.
Be cool, baby girl,
I'm on a mission to get my shit together.
I applied at this commercial realty company in Studio City,
and this black guy, he was the office manager
and he's fuckin' hella cool,
you know? We're talkin' and all that shit.
You know? We're just kickin' it and all that.
Did you, did you check the messages?
Four messages.
Mr. Alonzo, I'm calling
from Sunhouse Properties to schedule an interview.
Honey, this is great!
Mm, mm... Oh! Oh...
You better call him first thing in the morning.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, damn, dog, that shit was good, dude.
Damn, they should give you a fuckin' Oscar for that shit.
You just stood there
and you fed me a line of bullshit like it was nothing.
You should be the lawyer.
How could you just do that?
How could you look me in the eye and lie to me like that?
I'm sorry.
I'd rather you hit me.
I'm your clown.
I'm your fucking clown.
And you and Jim are laughing at me?
No, it's not...
No, no, no, you are so utterly, irrevocably busted!
Why don't you just go play with your little butt buddy?
Go cook up more lies.
You know, I bet you're doing lines again.
Dude, how could you say that shit?
I'm not fuckin' doing lines again.
Yeah, right, right.
I'm not fuckin' doing lines again!
Right now your word is less than shit.
Maybe you should go.
Just fuckin' go.
Just fuckin'... just go, right?
Fuck it. I'll fuckin' go!
Please, go. Go!
Fuck it then! I'll fuckin' go!
Then go, Mike!
I'm serious! I'll fuckin' go
except I won't fuckin' come back!
You want me to fuckin' go?!
Fuckin' go, Mike!
I'll fuckin' go then!
I'll fuckin' go!
Get the fuck outta here!
Hello?
Speaking.
Of course, sir. Absolutely.
Thank you very much, Agent Richards.
Thank you, sir.
Who was that?
That was the feds, my friend.
I've been informed that I passed my urinalysis
and they would like me to go in this morning
to start formal testing.
Fuck yeah, dude.
I'll be there all day,
so take my ride, get your ass a job.
Let's go.
Oh, shit!
Come on. Get your parasitic ass in gear.
I had some twisted-ass dreams about that dude being killed.
I slept like a baby.
I heard screaming.
What kind of tests?
Psychological tests.
Geez, you're a freakin' psycho, dude.
Don't answer that shit honestly.
Hell no.
They use the Minnesota Multiphasic Inventory.
It's like 600 questions, cross-referenced
to detect deception.
They ask the same shit
six different ways. It's lame.
You'll ace it.
Dude, I'm gonna pull it off.
All I needed was a shot.
Gotta play the system.
Like a piano.
You done with that crap, son?
Yes, sir.
Let's grab some coffee while these guys finish up.
Bring that with you.
I see dumb people.
We reviewed your LAPD package.
Since they ran your background, physical and psych,
we're going with their paper.
- Navy sucks. - Army swallows.
Took a little work to pry your jacket loose
from their people.
They don't much like us poaching from their applicant pool.
Move it, dirt bag.
Why'd they drop me?
Someone here make a call?
Nope.
They dropped you on psych, Jim.
You blew their profiles.